FFTFL premiere

FFTFL premiere

Friday, August 24, 2012

Frickin' 40 and Frustrated

So, I think I told you the kids I babysit will both be heading off to school full-time this year. 2nd grade and kindergarten. (I made it sound like I was dropping them off at their dorm rooms!) That really means that the need for me to watch them has dwindled down to about a 1/2 hour, 3 days per week and days off from school. I can't continue to stay home and watch them when I really need to make money to cover things like my Kohl's bill (a nasty side effect from losing weight- somehow your waist shrinks and your bill grows!) and dance classes for Chelsea. Thankfully I don't need to make tons of money, but if I could bring home $200/week from a part-time job, I'd FEEL rich!

I went and filled out my first application and what a reality check. When I had to fill out my previous employment I got so upset. I worked at a place called Cheap John's, which was by far the best dollar store that ever existed, in my opinion. In 1989, candy bars were 3/$1. A 1 pd. solid milk chocolate bunny was $.97. School supplies? The cheapest around. I know it was '89, but it was still WAY cheaper than anywhere else. I worked there the summer before I left for college, then 2 summers after that, then I wound up working my way up to bookkeeper until I left in 1993.  I got great experience there, but they no longer exist.

From Cheap John's I wound up at Sam's Club, from August '94 until February '96. I left because I got pregnant with Charlie and it was a difficult pregnancy (remember, I was obese with pregnancy-induced hypertension). I could only remember the 1st name of the woman that was my supervisor. I couldn't remember any contact info or the address. I felt so unprepared. I didn't think to write any of this down before I went in there! It was like the time my friend Joann took me to get my permit and as we were walking into the DMV I said "Gee, I hope I don't need any special ID." I am a nit-wit.

I forgot to write down the job I had at a pre-school my senior year of high school. I forgot to write down the job I held at college for 2 1/2 years. There's a place on the application to explain your gaps in employment. I wrote that I was home raising my 2 children. I didn't write down all of the babysitting I've been doing while I've been home raising my kids. I have been helping my sister take care of her daughter the past 10 years. I have helped watch and transport the 2 little ones almost 7 years. For 2 years I've been helping neighbors with their 2 kids by getting them on and off the bus. I haven't been home watching 'General Hospital' and eating bon-bons all this time, but that application made me feel like that's all I did.

My Charlie-boy at 3 years old

It was a battle to keep the tears in on the drive home. My son was sitting next to me and my niece was in the back seat, so I was trying hard to keep it together. All I wanted was the bus monitor position. Something a few hours a day, with the same schedule as my kids. Even though they're 16 and 14, I would still like to be home for them. I can't stand the thought of them sitting at home on a vacation or all summer long (God forbid), twiddling their thumbs. Not to mention, they ARE 16 and 14. I don't have much time left with them.

My Chelsea Rose at 3 years old

I vented on Facebook. Friends said I had to be creative with my resume. I don't even know how to create a resume! I am so out of the loop. One friend told me to just go for the bus driver's license. I barely have the confidence to work outside the home, let alone drive a big ass bus! She made a convincing argument, since the bus company pays for your training and your license. I'll seriously have to consider it. It would definitely be the same schedule as the kids...

So I'll keep at it. I don't really have a choice. I do need some money. I just have to say how grateful I am for my husband and for providing for us. I can't imagine the stress he must feel about making ends meet. He doesn't let on how he feels (except usually around January when the Christmas bills start rolling in), but it must eat at him sometimes. I was very fortunate. He always said he would do whatever it took to allow me to stay home and raise our kids. That was a job I was paid very handsomely for. Two great kids that still love us and are turning into amazing people. Now if I can just get that to translate on an application...


  1. awe. I understand the stress of making ends meet. Try not to stress though!! Things will happen for you!

  2. Keep your chin up! First of all - believe in yourself! Filling out applications can feel like a degrading experience, but believing in yourself is half the battle! You've shown real courage and determination to lose weight and get fit - all you need to do is the pour that same determination into finding a job that suits you and it will happen!